


wanna feel your heart

by catching_paper_moons



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Magical Realism, Sort Of, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 13:56:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14522079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catching_paper_moons/pseuds/catching_paper_moons
Summary: Mat goes to sleep in his bed in New York, and wakes up in a dorm room in Montreal.Or, Mat can hop between universes.





	wanna feel your heart

**Author's Note:**

> If you recognize your name burn your computer just get rid of the whole thing please. 
> 
> Thank you to my dude Ellie for being the best hype man ever, and to the many people that read this over before I posted it, you're all beautiful gems!!
> 
> This was a long process, and I'm glad it's finally out there! See the end notes for more in-depth warnings/character mentions.
> 
> Title is from "Heartlines" by Broods.

Mat goes to sleep in his bed in New York, and wakes up in a dorm room in Montreal.

It’s not the first time something like this has happened. So Mat stands up, and looks around the room, and there’s Tito, sitting at a desk, mumbling to himself. Mat clears his throat.

“Hey,” he says, voice gravelly. Tito looks up and smiles. “Uh, what day is it?”

“Wednesday,” Tito says, rolling his eyes. Mat thinks he looks kind of fond. “How’s your cold? You still sound kinda stuffed up.”

“Um.” Mat swallows. His throat kind of hurts, and he blinks, head starting to spin. Maybe his body is just catching up. “Maybe better? I’m not sure.”

“Want some tea?” Tito stands up and heads toward their hot water maker. “I know you usually drink coffee, but you haven’t been sleeping very well, so I switched your regular with decaf so that’s why you’ve been really tired.” Tito blushes a little. “I just worry about your general well-being, okay?”

“I’m not judging,” Mat says, smiling a little. He coughs loudly, and Tito frowns. Mat swallows. “It’s okay. Tea sounds great.” Tito beams at that, and starts listing off the kinds of tea they have, and Mat could listen to Tito talk forever.

When he wakes up the next day, he’s back in his bed in New York.

 

* * *

 

“Where’d you go, yesterday?” Tito asks, and Mat furrows his brow. “That definitely was not you at practice. Unless you’re just really sick, in which case, why are you here?”

“I’m _fine_ , Tito,” Mat says. “Montreal.”

“Oh!” Tito looks intrigued, pulls out of the parking space. “Were you the same age, you think?”

“Probably. You were my roommate. Kinda funny, eh?” Mat runs his fingers through his hair, then smooths it back down. “I had a cold. I’m so glad I woke up snot-free this morning.”

“I wish I could do that,” Tito says. It’s almost longing, like he wishes he could see into other universes. “Well, I’ve been told I don’t, actually. Is it fun?” Mat twists his mouth, thinking.

“I mean, for the most part,” he says. “Usually the universes are pretty innocuous.”

“Ooh, big word.”

Mat rolls his eyes, elbowing Tito. “Sometimes they’re kind of scary. It’s really just like a dream, though. If you, like, die in a universe, you’re still alive in your normal one. It just feels super real because you know that you’re, like, dead over there.”

“You _die_ in other universes?” Tito asks, eyes wide as he pulls into a Chipotle. “What the fuck.”

“Yeah, dude, we’re not immortal. Anyway, though, it’s kinda cool, kind of inconvenient sometimes. I do play hockey in most universes, though, so at least I get some practice in, eh?”

Tito bumps into him, and Mat bumps him back, and they walk into the Chipotle laughing. Yeah, Mat would take this universe over a different one any day.

 

* * *

 

 

“So,” Jordan says, sitting down next to Mat on the plane. “You can universe hop, huh?”

“Uh.” Mat looks around, then back at Jordan. “Did Beau tell you? What the fuck.”

“I guessed the other week when some really weird version of you walked in and told coach you were sick and couldn’t skate. You were staring at the skates like they hurt you or something.” Jordan looks Mat directly in the eyes. “Were you a nerd? Be honest.”

“Hey!” Mat smacks Jordan’s arm. “That universe me was a university student, okay? It was hard!”

“Whatever. S’pretty neat, though.” Jordan turns on his Switch, and loads up a game. “To universe hop.”

“‘Neat,’” Mat quotes. “Who’s the nerd now?”

“Shut up,” Jordan laughs, and he starts playing, leaving Mat alone with his thoughts. It’s like.

Mat guesses, to the average person, being able to go to different universes is cool. Mat doesn’t pick and choose, though, so it’s not _that_ fun. You just kind of get what you get, for a day or so. Sometimes longer. Mat’s been stuck in certain universes for weeks, sometimes.

(This one time, Mat was in a universe where his parents were missionaries and he’d grown up in Sudan, but started attending boarding school in France. This Mat was like, intensely Christian, and his roommate was shocked when Mat woke up on a Sunday and didn’t go to church.

“What do you mean, go to church?” Mat had asked. “Like, church-church?”

“What other church is there, dude?” his roommate had said. “You go to church every Sunday.”

“Uh,” Mat had said, eloquent as always. “I’m uh. Not feelin’ it today, I guess?”

“I bet you’re starting to understand the effects of colonization with regards to religion,” his roommate had said. “I mean, that’s why we’re speaking French, you know. Colonization.”

“We’re….in France though?” Mat had asked. He didn’t think about the fact that he’d apparently started speaking French automatically.

“But I’m black and from Senegal. Just think about that.” Mat had nodded and left it at that.)

Sometimes, though, he’s only in a certain universe for a few hours. Those have been some of his most impactful stays, he thinks. They’re also some of the saddest. He woke up in his real body and sobbed to his mom about how he hadn’t been living life the way he should have, and his mom just sat there and rubbed his back while he cried himself out. Not his best moment, but.

Universe hopping is kind of just that, universe hopping. Usually the people change, minus his family. It’s always fascinating to meet new people, see what his sister is like in other universes, and see what other universe Mat is up to. Well, the people used to change. Now it’s kind of a toss-up who he’ll see. There’s a pattern he’s noticed, though. It’s fascinating to Mat. And he’s got a working theory but no way to test it.

He figures it’ll become clear at some point.

 

* * *

 

 

Mat goes to bed in New York, and wakes up in a tent.

“Hey,” someone says, shaking him awake. “Hey, get up.” It’s John, and he looks frantic. “We’ve gotta move.”

“Move?” Mat says, blinking. He’s never seen John in another universe before. “Why are we moving?”

“The government is coming for us, and we have to _go_ ,” he hears Cal’s voice say. “Up and at ‘em, boys.”

“But where are we going?” Mat asks, mostly to himself.

“Always so inquisitive,” Jordan says, smiling. “Just get a move on.”

The boys trudge through a forest and make it to an abandoned highway, eventually, after what feels like hours. They walk quickly down the road, trying to make it to the next resistance camp, from what Mat can gather. John says every few minutes he’s almost positive they’re going the right direction, but the other guys look lost. Mat hangs back with Tito and Josh.

“John usually knows what he’s doing, I mean, so we’re probably okay,” Josh says, picking up on Mat’s mood. “We’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure,” Tito confirms. He grabs Mat’s hand, interlocking their fingers. “You okay, love?” Mat looks down at their hands and blinks, looking back up at Tito. “You’re usually more talkative.”

“Uh, just out of it, don’t worry.” He doesn’t let go of Tito’s hand. Its something grounding, for now. He looks back up at the road, and thinks he sees something. He tilts his head. “Do you know where we’re supposed to be going? Just in case we get split up.”

“Um,” Josh says, rifling through some papers. “Toward Area 5. It’s east of where we were. Near the coast, I’ve heard. By an old city.”

“Okay, do you know what that city was called?” Mat asks. Josh furrows his brows. “Just in _case_ , Josh, come on.”

“Boston?” Tito offers. “I remember learning about that in school when we were little, in history.”

“No, no, it’s...what used to be called New York City?” Josh says. “This one. Right here. Area 5.”

“Then I know we’re definitely going the right direction,” Mat says. Tito tilts his head, eyes narrowing. “Trust me on this.”

And they do. They stop for lunch, pulling bread and water out of their knapsacks. They eat quickly, but Mat pulls John aside, and tells him what he knows. He successfully directs them all the way to the outskirts of Area 5. It’s probably his proudest moment.

“That was amazing, Barzy,” Bails says. “Since when are you an expert navigator?”

They’re welcomed with open arms, and John sees an old friend, who explains to them how things work around there. They’re all sent to rooms, and Mat, Tito, and Josh get to theirs only to see that there’s two beds. Mat hums in confusion.

“There’s–” he starts to say, but he’s cut off by Tito kissing him gently. “Um.”

“You want the bottom bunk, guys?” Josh asks, already throwing his bag on the top.

“Works for me,” Tito says, pressing his hand to Mat’s face. “That good with you?” Mat nods, and tries to take stock of the situation. Clearly, in this universe, Mat is...in love with Tito. And also dating him. He can’t quite gather whether it’s a secret or not, though, and he pulls Josh aside to ask.

“Nah, man, we’ve all known. It’s pretty recent, though, considering you had a near death experience about two months ago, you know. I mean, that’s when we think it happened. Can you confirm? We're taking bets,” Josh rambles, and Mat furrows his brows.

“Um, no,” he says, and Josh curses under his breath. “Just wasn’t sure if Beau had told people, or whatever, you know.”

“Yeah, man, totally. I mean, I know. And they gave us a room with only two beds. So I’m assuming, but I’m gonna guess everyone knows. Beau doesn’t really let you out of his sight, now.” The door opens and Tito walks out, sitting in front of them.

“Are we telling secrets?” he asks, and Mat laughs out loud. It’s just so _Tito_ to ask that kind of question. Tito smiles at him, but it’s soft and kind, like it’s meant for only him.

“Nah, your boy here is just waxing poetic about you,” Josh says, and Mat’s face flushes.

“Aw,” Tito says, eyes crinkling. It’s such a familiar sight that Mat aches for his Tito. Or, like, the Tito in his universe. “You’re sweet to me.”

It’s easy for Mat to fall into this pattern with Tito. They flirt, they hold hands, they share food and clothes, and Mat falls asleep next to him, kissing him, and it’s...nice. Like Mat could do this forever.

He wakes up alone one morning and thinks he’s back, but then there’s an alarm blaring as he comes to. “We’re under attack,” Josh says, eyes wide. “I’ve….never been under attack before.”

“Where’s Tito?” he asks, and Josh furrows his brows. “Er, Beau? Where is he?”

“No time, man, come on!” Josh says, dragging Mat out of the room. Mat looks into every room that he possibly can, but there’s no sign of Tito anywhere. His chest is getting tighter and tighter with every passing moment that Tito _isn’t there holding his hand_.

“Where is he, Josh,” Mat says once they’ve reached the safe room. “I’m not gonna just leave without him. He’s–” Mat cuts himself off. His best friend? His boyfriend? He doesn’t know. Josh just shrugs helplessly, not knowing what to do and then someone’s carrying a body in and...it’s not Tito.

“You’re good, man, it’s okay,” Josh says, voice calm. Mat feels worlds away from okay.

Mat’s heart rate picks up a notch, and when someone carries Tito in because his ankle is swollen, Mat’s heart almost jumps out of his throat.

“Holy shit,” he says, and Tito frowns. “Are you okay?”

“I was running, and then I fell, and now I’m here,” Tito says. He seems dazed. “Whoops.”

“Well, you scared me half to death,” Mat says, finally breathing a sigh of relief. “Because I’m not trying to lose you today, okay?” Tito presses a hand to Mat’s cheek, and Mat turns his face, kisses the palm of Tito’s hand. “Stay with me, please?”

“Okay, Mat,” Tito says, soft but sure.

They get orders to wait it out in the room. As the hours pass, Mat leans against Tito more and more. Eventually, he drifts off, head in Tito’s lap, Tito’s fingers carding through Mat’s hair.

When he wakes up alone in New York City, in the Seidenberg house, he’s… almost disappointed. He’s not sure why.

 

* * *

 

 

The problem with having kissed Tito in another universe is that now Mat wants to kiss Tito in _this_ universe. Which like, wouldn’t be a problem if Tito also wanted to kiss him, but. Here they are.

It’s weird. Mat has always been drawn to Tito. Like, they initially didn’t seem to be the most compatible of friends, just with who they were as people, but they took to each other immediately. Mat’s always loved him, you know. Tito’s always been one of his best friends.

He just didn’t think that would extend to romantic feelings, but, again. Here they are.

Tito is lounging on a bed in their shared hotel room, reading something on his phone, and mouthing along with the words as he reads. He makes little faces at certain things he finds interesting, scrunching up his nose and laughing slightly at something. Mat could, quite literally, stare at him forever, but he tears himself away, looking down at the covers on his own bed.

“Hey, Barz?” Tito says, kind of absentminded.

“Hm?” Mat doesn’t even look up from the covers.

“I...kind of hate to ask this, but my ankle is sore, uh, would you mind maybe–”

“Ice?” Mat finishes, looking up. Tito’s smiling at him, soft and sweet, and Mat’s stomach drops. He swallows, tries to control his breathing. “Yeah, I got you. You want me to fill up your water bottle too?”

“Wow, if you’re offering, then absolutely.” Tito reaches over to hand Mat his water bottle. Their fingers brush, and Mat’s entire body warms. It’s almost electric. “What did I do to deserve a friend like you? You just always know what I need.”

Mat laughs, shrugging. “I don’t know, man. I’m just trying to be helpful.” He leaves the room and walks down the hallway, feeling like something important just happened, but he doesn’t know what.  He’s grabbing a bag of ice when a hand touches his shoulder. He’s not proud to say he jumps like seven feet in the air, but.

“Jeez, chill, it’s just me,” Jordan says, sticking a bag underneath the ice machine and filling it. “What’s got you all jumpy?”

“Just wasn’t expecting anyone,” Mat says, tying the top of his bag in a knot. “Do you know where there’s a water fountain?” Jordan nods and leads Mat that way. They’re silent until Mat clears his throat. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” Jordan says.

“Is...uh. Hm.” Mat stops in front of the water fountain, considering. “How do you ask someone on a date?” He closes his eyes to center himself, and opens them to Jordan’s judging face. “Ebs, come on.”

“Have you never asked anyone out before?” Jordan asks. He nods at the water fountain and Mat starts filling Tito’s water bottle. “Who are you trying to ask out? I hope it’s not me.”

“No offense, Ebs, but you’re, like, married and definitely too old for me,” Mat says, slight smile on his lips.

“Ha ha.” Jordan rolls his eyes, leans against the wall, looks at Mat’s face. Mat looks back. “It’s Beau, isn’t it?”

Mat blinks. “What?”

“It’s Beau that you wanna ask out.” They walk back toward the rooms. Jordan sighs a bit. “It’s obvious you love him, dude.”

“Whoa, hang on,” Mat says, interrupting him. “Love has not come up. I _just_ figured out I’m into him.”

“But you love him, don’t you?” Jordan asks. “Like, he’s your best friend. It makes sense. You guys are weird about each other anyway.” Mat twists his lips in a frown. It’s not like Jordan’s wrong, exactly. He’s not. It’s just that Mat...well, maybe he does love Tito, but that’s not something he’s going to outright say.

“Whatever,” Mat says, stopping in front of his room. “Thanks for the chat, you were no help.” Jordan rolls his eyes again, and Mat bumps shoulders with him.

“You’ll be fine. Just be you,” Jordan says, shrugging.

Mat swipes into his room, laughing to himself. “Just be you,” he says, quiet. That’s the worst advice he’s ever heard.

“What?” Tito says, and Mat jumps a little, again, but he’s vindicated by the fact that Tito cannot see him. He’s very thankful.

“Sorry, I was reading something to myself,” Mat says, throwing the bag of ice on Tito’s bed. “Here, I’ll grab a towel.” He wraps the bag in a hand towel and hands it to Tito, who accepts it gratefully.

“Was that Ebs outside?” Tito asks, situating the bag on his ankle. “How’s his shoulder?”

“Eh, it’s fine,” Mat says. “How’s your ankle?”

“Eh, it’s fine,” Tito parrots. He leans back against the headboard. “How are you?”

Mat goes to respond, but he stops himself. He’s been quiet, lately, and he knows Tito’s noticed. It’s not necessarily bad quiet, but Mat has been having quite a time lately, and he’s been doing a lot of thinking. It’s...well. “Eh?” he says, and Tito just looks at him, eyebrows raised.

“Come here,” he says, patting the space next to him. Mat goes and leans against Tito’s shoulder. “Wanna talk about it? You’ve been kinda quiet lately. Did I miss something?”

And that’s the thing about Tito, you know? He’s always watching out for everyone, always making sure that everyone’s okay, emotionally, and if he does miss something, he feels bad, thinking he should’ve known. It’s worse when it’s Mat, because then Tito _knows_ he should’ve known. And, you know what? Maybe Jordan was right. Maybe Mat does love him.

“You didn’t miss anything,” Mat says, reaching for Tito’s hand. He squeezes once, lets go. “I promise. I’m just going through a lot. Kind of feel like I’ve been gone more than I’ve been here.”

Tito hums, and they sit in relative silence for a long while. The bag of ice eventually lists to the side, and Mat sits up to situate it again. Tito looks at him, considering. “I mean, is it more than normal?” he asks. Mat shrugs. “Did something happen while you were gone?”

Tito’s perceptive, often more so than Mat thinks, and Mat sighs. “Yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it?” he says, because it’s easier than saying, “Yeah, I fell in love with you for two weeks and came back in love with you here.” That’s definitely not a just bros thing to say. “I...I just need some time. To get over it.”

“Okay,” Tito says. “You’ll tell me if you want to talk?”

“Absolutely,” Mat promises. He mock-salutes Tito. “Cross my heart.”

“Okay,” Tito says again. He removes the bag of ice from his ankle and throws it on the floor. He lays down on the bed and pats the space next to him. Mat scoots closer, running his fingers through Tito’s hair. “Hey.” Tito nudges Mat’s thigh.

“Hey,” Mat replies. “What’s up?”

“Sleep here,” Tito says. “Come on.” Mat lays down next to him, and Tito curls into his chest. “Good. Perfect. Love you.”

Mat closes his eyes and tries to control his heartbeat. “Love you, too,” he says back. He’s usually the paradigm of calm, but Tito makes it hard.

He’s just got to get used to it.

 

* * *

 

 

Mat falls asleep next to Tito and wakes up next to him, but he knows it’s not his Tito because they’re in a giant bedroom, and there’s a giant dresser and walk in closet in front of him. He blinks.

“Hey, sleepy,” he hears Tito say, and then feels a light kiss on his shoulder. “Sounds like the kids aren’t awake yet.”

“Oh,” Mat says. He looks at the clock. “I mean, it’s only 6:41.” However calm he sounds, his brain is an endless loop of _KIDS????_

Tito laughs. “You sound like you’ve never met our kids. Earliest risers in the world. Have no clue where they got that from.”

Mat is still internally screaming, but he rolls his eyes. “Obviously not me, Mr. ‘I get up at 7 to jog every day.’”

Tito blushes. “I...but I only did that in high school!” he sputters, and Mat laughs even more. High school. This means they’re probably not hockey players in this universe. “Honestly, getting you to fall in love with me was my greatest feat.” Mat tilts his head to the side and Tito strokes his face. “Me, a football player, getting you, a huge nerd, to tutor me in math was my best tactic.” Tito waggles his eyebrows, and Mat laughs.

“I mean, you needed it,” Mat says. He does _not_ know if Tito actually did.

“Oh, baby, I did not need it,” Tito laughs. Mat fakes offense, and Tito laughs harder. “It was all a ploy to get you to fall for me.” Mat blushes, and then he hears the little pitter patter of feet running toward the room, and Tito rolls over.

“Daddy!” a tiny girl says, jumping on Mat. He lets out an “oof!” but steadies her with his hand.

“Ana, honey,” Tito says. “We don’t just jump on Daddy and Papa to wake them up.”

“Oops!” she says, snuggling into Mat’s chest. “Sorry, Daddy.”

“It’s okay,” he says. He looks at the boy whispering something into Tito’s ear. Something in his brain clicks, and he checks his phone. Ana’s piano lesson, Ana’s haircut….Carter’s skating lesson. “Morning, kiddo,” he says to Carter. Carter beams at him.

“Good morning!” he says, climbing over Tito, and settling between them. “I missed you.”

“You missed me?” Mat asks. He’s definitely out of his wheelhouse, here, and he has no idea what’s going on. Relying on pure instinct is easier in a hockey game, that’s for sure.

“You were on a business trip, duh!” Carter exclaims. Mat nods, smiling a little. “It was just me, Papa, and Ana. Papa only made chicken for dinner.”

“Like chicken nuggets?” Mat asks, looking at Tito, trying not to smile.

“No! Grilled chicken.” Tito tickles Carter and he giggles. “Chicken nuggets were on Tuesday.”

“See, Daddy? Only chicken.” Carter leans on Mat’s shoulder, and Mat sits up, trying not to jostle Ana. She clings to him and it’s only a little painful, but he figures he was gone, it’s the least he can do to let her.

It’s not Mat’s fault that he spends three weeks in this universe, he swears. He’s a mathematician, and Tito’s a nutritionist, and they’re both professors at the small college in their town, and he’s...good at math? It’s definitely something he could get used to, and he gets lost in this life, waking up with Tito, teaching amazing students, pouring over papers and putting his kids to bed at night.

He falls in love with it.

This is what he learns. Ana is three, Carter is six; he and Tito are 33 and have been married for eight years. They fell in love in high school, Ana’s musical talents are really extraordinary, and Carter wants to be a figure skater. Their families live nearby, and everything is good. Everything is great, actually. He just.

He loves hockey. He loves his other life, but this? It’s...contentment. He’s happy when Carter cuddles him late at night, and when Tito makes him breakfast, and when Ana plays the piano for him. He’s just...at ease here.

Which makes waking up in his real bed even harder.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m not sure what to do,” he says to Jordan, hands grasping at the ends of his hair desperately. He’s pacing in Jordan’s hotel room. “I’m gone more than I’m here, and I don’t know how to control it. It’s fucking me up, man.” He stops pacing to look at Jordan, finally, who looks up from his phone.

“Sorry, what?”

“Are you kidding me.” Mat flops on Jordan’s bed and Jordan makes a face. “Get over it. I need help.”

“Do you need help because you want to control your universe hopping, or because you want to control your Tito problem?” Jordan asks, and now it’s Mat’s turn to make a face. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Mat asks, rolling over to face Jordan. “Ugh. Why couldn’t I have liked you?”

“I’m not sure if I should be offended or not.” Jordan throws a pillow at Mat, but Mat catches it easily.

“It means you’re not an attainable goal for me. And while Tito isn’t either–”

“He’s showing up in every single universe, Mat. Including ones without your parents. Don’t you think that means something?” Jordan asks. Mat raises an eyebrow; Jordan shrugs. “I’m not saying _I_ know what it means. I’m just saying that it probably means something. Repeated motifs, or whatever.”

“Aren’t motifs repetitive anyway?” Mat wonders aloud. Jordan throws another pillow. Mat frowns. “Would you _stop it_?”

“Figure out what it means, stupid!” Jordan says. “It’s probably important.”

Mat stands up and throws the pillows back at him. “You’re never any help, I don’t know why I even asked.” He walks out of the room and Jordan straight up ignores him, which he figures is par for the course at this point. He swipes back into his and Tito’s shared room and slips on some shoes.

“You going somewhere?” Tito asks, not even looking up from the book he’s reading.

“For a walk,” Mat answers, tugging on a sweatshirt. “It’s a nice night, or something. I’m probably just going to wander the parking lot. Maybe sit on a bench.”

“Okay,” Tito says, looking up. He blinks rapidly, and then tries to hide a smile in his book.

“Do I look funny?” Mat asks, slightly teasing as he grabs his wallet, just in case.

“No, no, it’s just,” Tito cuts himself off, then takes a deep breath. “That’s my sweatshirt. It looks good on you though.” Tito bites his lip, looking Mat over.

“Dude,” Mat says, strangled. “You can’t... _Tito_.” He’s standing there, breathing heavily, and Tito looks him in the eye.

“I can’t what?” Tito asks. He stands up and Mat backs away. He tilts his head, considering. “What are you afraid of?”

“I…” Mat’s retort dies on his lips as Tito steps closer. He blinks slowly, and suddenly Tito’s so close that Mat can feel his breath. “Hey,” he says, totally lame. His face is burning.

“Hey,” Tito says, smiling. “Can I kiss you?”

“Uh, um, yeah, for sure,” Mat says, even _more_ lame if even possible, but Tito still leans in. His lips are soft and they taste like vaseline, and Tito’s hand curls around Mat’s neck, and then it’s like Mat’s eyes have been opened entirely. He pulls back, takes a breath.

“You okay?” Tito asks, kissing Mat’s cheek gently. His eyes are still closed.

“I’m…” Mat tries to find the words to say this without scaring Tito away, but. Honesty’s always been his best policy. “I think you’re my soulmate.”

“I’m that good of a kisser, eh?” Tito says, but he opens his eyes and he looks serious. He bites his lip again. It’s driving Mat insane. “Is...is that what that feeling was? I felt like I was seeing you for the first time.”

“It...maybe?” Mat says. “I just. I think that’s what the universe has been trying to tell me. The universe tries to tell you a lot of things, though. I just wasn’t paying attention.”

“The universe told you?” Tito asks, brushing his thumb over Mat’s jaw gently. His voice is quiet, inquisitive. “The universe only talks to certain people.”

“I guess it talks to me,” Mat says.

“I’m glad it did,” Tito says back, tugging him toward the bed.

“Me too.” Mat follows easily.

 

* * *

 

 

Mat is something with Tito, now. Like, they’re dating, pretty much, but Mat doesn’t know how to bring up exactly what the universe was telling him. Or all the other universes? It’s hard. There’s too many universes. And he doesn’t know how to tell Tito that like. The universe is saying they’re supposed to be in love because they haven’t quite...said that yet.

It’s also just that Mat hasn’t universe hopped in over a month, not since he kissed Tito. He thinks there might be a correlation.

Then he wakes up in bed, alone, and there’s a text from Tito. _Don’t contact me again_ , it says. _I don’t want what you do._

Tears spring to Mat’s eyes before he realizes this must be just another universe. It’s not his, he thinks gratefully. It’s not his Tito saying this. He unlocks this Mat’s phone and checks their texts, their call logs. They’ve been talking a lot, it seems, though much of it is one-sided. That hits Mat like a ton of bricks, and then the door opens.

“Fuck,” Tito says under his breath. “I thought you wouldn’t be here.”

“What happened?” Mat asks, and his voice sounds rough, like he’d been crying. Maybe he had been. This Tito looks like his Tito, sounds like his Tito...but where there’s usually a smile is a hardened expression, like the one Tito wears when he practices his wristers.

“Don’t you fucking _get it_?” Tito snarls. His voice is ice cold, and it makes Mat recoil. “I don’t wanna be your fucking soulmate.”

Mat blinks rapidly. “Wh-what?” he says. His voice sounds shaky, an undercurrent of hurt running through it, because his entire body feels like he just got dunked in an ice bath.

“I don’t _want_ that! I just wanted to be your friend. I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t want this bullshit,” Tito swears, and Mat jumps again. This is not his Tito. He knows it’s not his Tito, and yet.

There’s a part of him that knows– this is what Mat’s afraid of. This is what he’s afraid his Tito is going to do. He can’t stop the tears from falling because he didn’t think he was going to see his biggest fear realized, but here it is, laid out in front of him. Tito’s standing in the doorway, clearly awaiting a response.

“Then get your shit and leave,” Mat says, and Tito blinks in surprise, and Mat can see glimpses of his Tito, now that his eyes aren’t permanently narrowed. He’s wide-eyed, staring at Mat like it’s the first time he’s ever had a spine. “Get your shit and leave, then, _Anthony_ ,” he says. “I won’t die without you.”

So Tito grabs his things and leaves. And Mat doesn’t die without him.

And then he wakes up.

 

* * *

 

He gets about two days of being stuck in his own head before Tito corners him, literally, at team breakfast.

“We’re dating, right?” he asks under his breath, and Mat nods. “Then why won’t you talk to me? Isn’t that what I’m here for? I can tell shit’s weird.”

Mat weighs his options carefully in the very short time he has. He could take some details out, or just be honest. Either way, he’s not getting out of this conversation, but.

“Not here, okay?” Mat says. “On the plane?”

“Sure,” Tito says easily. “Whatever you want.” He squeezes Mat’s elbow and smiles at him, and Mat lets out the breath he was holding. They’ll be fine.

By the time they’re sitting on the plane, Mat’s almost forgotten this conversation was happening, but then Tito asks if he can sit by Mat, and Jordan acquiesces, shooting Mat a look that Mat doesn’t quite comprehend.

“We can wait until people are asleep,” Tito says, sitting down, and Mat just shrugs. It’s a quick turnaround--after about 20 minutes, half the plane is asleep. Tito faces Mat expectantly.

“It’s…” Mat trails off, unsure of where his sentence was going. He sighs.

“Don’t say nothing,” Tito says. “Please. I know it’s not.”

Mat sighs again. He leans back in his chair, then leans forward. “I hate planes,” he says.

“I know,” Tito says. He squeezes Mat’s hand gently. “It’s okay.”

“It’s...so. I universe hop,” Mat starts, and then he tells the story from start to finish, and leaves nothing out. And then he gets to the latest universe. “And I hadn’t...I hadn’t universe-hopped in a while,” he says.

“Because of me?” Tito asks. Mat nods. “Is that good?”

“I thought so, it’s just,” Mat starts again. He stops himself, and then shakes his head a little and grins slightly. “I’m incredibly in love with you, and I was afraid of telling you because it’s so early, and I know that’s dumb because we’re soulmates–”

“Hey,” Tito says, stopping him. “It’s not dumb. I love you too, you know.”

“Oh,” Mat says, his train of thought entirely stopped. He can feel his face burning. “That’s...wow. That’s cool, because like. Same.”

Tito laughs, soft. “I know. I’m glad we’ve established this. But I know there’s more to this story.”

“I woke up in a universe where you...you didn't want me. You didn’t want a soulmate at all,” Mat says. His voice is shaking.

“Oh.” Tito sounds small.

“And it...it hurt me. And I woke up scared because I think that my biggest fear in all of this is that you’re just pretending you want this when you don’t, and then you’re going to leave me.” Mat takes another deep breath, and when he exhales, it’s uneven. “And I don’t want you to leave me.”

“Jesus,” Tito says, and he’s not smiling anymore, but he turns around and looks every which way before pulling Mat into a kiss. When he pulls away, Mat feels lost, and he reaches for Tito kind of blindly, and Tito pulls him closer. “I’m not gonna do that, okay? Don’t be dumb. I just told you I loved you.”

“I’m not,” Mat laughs, but it’s watery. Tito kisses him again. Mat’s gonna be okay.

 

//

“Go anywhere fun?” Tito asks when Mat wakes up. Mat clears his throat.

“I don’t just universe hop willy-nilly,” Mat says grumpily. He sits up and rubs at his eyes.

“Willy-nilly,” Tito repeats to himself, absolutely gleeful.

“You woke me up for no reason,” Mat points out. “I could still be asleep. But if you want to know, there’s a you and me somewhere out there that lives in France and does wine tastings every weekend.”

“Really?” Tito asks, leaning in. He’s smiling. Mat could smile forever as long as Tito was smiling, too. “That’s cool. You should tell me more.” Tito kisses him once, twice. “Later, though.”

“Later sounds good,” Mat says, smiling as Tito leans him back. They have lots of time for later.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This shit went wild especially at the end. 
> 
> There's technically a break-up, but it's not real. There's mentions of children (completely made up). There's a brief mention of colonialism and racism though it's not integral to the story and it's toward the beginning.
> 
> More fun universes:
> 
> \- Mat wakes up in a universe where he and Tito are rivals in curling. Mat is confused, and has to play in the biggest tournament of his life. He places 8th. He's not pleased.
> 
>  
> 
> \- There's a universe where they're online pen pals who accidentally meet at a coffeeshop. When Mat tells Tito this, Tito really, really wants to reenact it. They do not. Tito is disappointed.
> 
> \- Mat's favorite universe(s) are where he wakes up and just gets to spend all day with Tito no matter what because he's a giant sap who can't be left to his own devices.
> 
> For more rarepair shenanigans you can find me on twitter @/adamsparirsh :)


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